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Jfc that is…special. And by special I mean please do not let that man near any patients ever again until he learns how to people. Ye gods. “No, doctor, it’s not like I come to you for medical care. Of course I came to you for marriage counseling!”
I had emergency spinal surgery last night, and this is me shortly after waking up from the anesthesia.
While my pain had remained constant before having to make a trip to the ER, I lost bladder control while napping the night before. After an emergency MRI, it was found that my spinal cord had become so compressed, a mass had developed around my nerve roots. Not only that, but the nearly-severed nerve roots were beginning to protrude into my rectum.
I had been suffering from chronic pain levels ranging between 6-10, and had honestly been hoping to see a pain management specialist before having to go to the Emergency Room last night.
24 hours after surgery, I am still in immense pain, but have absolutely no nerve pain. My left leg has atrophied a bit, but I’m now able to walk and work on building strength back up. There is still numbness throughout the left leg, but the nerves should grow back over time.
This entire experience has taught me to respect the incredible bravery and patience of those who suffer from chronic pain. You know who you are, and if I’m able to make a full recovery, I will make it my mission to spread chronic pain awareness, and to help those who feel overwhelmed by their disability.
I truly believe that individuals with chronic pain go unnoticed, especially when someone is already on a pain management regimen, and feeling the overwhelming pressure to continue “normal” activities.
I want to connect with more of you, and will do my best to educate those around me of the seemingly-invisible movement of chronic pain sufferers who are working, taking care of children, and living side-by-side with those who may never understand the journey you’re on.@lilitharcane , your pain is always valid, and you’re a fucking warrior princess. You have opened my eyes to the Tumblr community of women with chronic illness, and I hope to continue learning about working women who have given this movement its momentum, and to give the praise you all deserve.
I can’t walk long distances, I can’t run, I can’t sit at school, I can’t sit on the couch, I can’t sit on the floor, I can’t lie in bed everything hurts an I want nothing more than to tumble so I can achieve my dreams but that’s hard when you can barely breathe because every inch of you aches. I…
Painless ways to kill yourself.
i. There is no painless way to kill yourself, someone, somewhere, will feel the pain.
ii. The internet says, “sleeping pills, you will fall asleep and never wake up! You won’t feel a thing!” When that is a lie, your stomach will turn to fire and your throat will fill with the taste of your own stomach acid. You will drown in your own spit. That isn’t even the worst part, it’s when your mother comes home from work. She will walk through the door, and call out your name. She will call and call and there will be no response, maybe you’re in the shower? Maybe you’re asleep? She will walk up the stairs, knock on your door to receive no answer. When she walks in she will see the lifeless body of her baby, lying on the floor. Her heart will stop but she will run to you with shaky knees, touching your face that is now still and cold. Her body will be on fire, and her throat will begin to tighten, the sharp pains in her chest will feel like knives in the heart. That image will kill her more than her own death, it will haunt her living years each night. She will no longer be alive, but just as dead as you are now.
iii. Years ago, your father showed you the gun safe he kept in the house in case of emergencies, you knew the pass code, you knew how to shoot and load, at least you had an idea. They say a bullet to the brain will do the job.. So one night, when your father is fast asleep, you will be down the hallway staring down the mouth of a gun.
One, two, three..
Your father’s heart will jump and his body will follow, the first thing he thinks of is you. He will scream your name and run down the hallway and bang on your door. It’s locked. His knees begin to feel weak as he bruises his body trying to knock down the door, the first sight he sees is blood splattered on the wall. At that moment his breath began to stop, and his eyes wandered to yours. Still open, but no more life inside your shell. He will drop to his hands and knees and scream why, why, why. There will never be a day he won’t hate himself, for keeping a gun in the house, for not making you happy, for not knowing. He will live a life without a child, live a life with an empty space. Live a life of hurt, and hatred for himself.
iv. You may think that when you’re dead and gone you will not be hurting anyone. You may think when you slide a blade across your wrist, you’re only hurting yourself. Yet I have learned that is not true, it’s not. The person who will find your body, the one who seess the cuts, their chest will feel tight and they will feel like it was their fault for letting it get this far. The only mark you will be leaving on them is pain, hurt, and the question why? So please note this, there is pain in every suicide attempt, every death, every cut. You are not only hurting your life, but others too. Because you are cared for.
I really needed this.
i’m all for boys wearing makeup mostly because if more of them got into it there’d be a bigger market and it wouldn’t cost $25 for an eyeshadow primer anymore
i can’t wait to go into the makeup aisle to get the latest man-color of guyshadow that comes in containers shaped like bullets and footballs
"Bruh I just went to sephora and got the sickest shade of eyeshadow"
"Sick dude what’s it called"
"Monster truck gas fumes"
Women don’t have to wear short skirts or small tops, but if they want to, they can.
Women don’t have to wear long shirts or long skirts, but if they want to, they can.
Women don’t have to shave, but if they want to, they can.
Women don’t have to stay at home and cook, but if they want to, they can.
Women don’t have to wear makeup, but if they want to, they can.
Women don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do, but if they want to, they can.
It’s hard to comprehend the sadness I have felt over the last few days over Flight MH17.
While my heart aches for my fellow Australians who have lost loved ones, it doesn’t matter where they are from. All of those 298 people had families, loved ones who are devastated by their loss. I felt just…